Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
did i just pee glitter
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize