What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
