My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
