I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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