Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
