To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just google imaged poop.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
