D3 body, D1 cock
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
