Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
