you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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