Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
