Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
