she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
