At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
