I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
