I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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