I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
