I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
