And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
