Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
