i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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