im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
