i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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