My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
