This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
