I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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