Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
