Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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