I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
