those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
