Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
