Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
