Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
