I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
