I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
