cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
