I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
