Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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