He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
