look no pants
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
