Already got asked if we're dating
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
