Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
