I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
