It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
