why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
