I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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