At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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