How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She even gives head with a lisp.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
