she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize