dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
