Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
