Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize