dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
