the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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