i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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