brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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