i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
