I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
