You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
