It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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