I am puke
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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