when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
