I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
