God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
