Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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