So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
